Now every time I look down at my feet I laugh because there is a dinosaur there… riding a bike.
And I think “this is going to be here for the rest of my life” and it makes me smile.
EPIPHANY!
I found my new direction in life.
I don’t know why this never occurred to me before, well, I mean it did, I just didn’t give it much thought until tonight.
While talking to Josh I realized I don’t really want to go back to school to be a doctor anymore. And I’ve been going back and forth lately about weather or not I even want to be a therapist at all. I’ve been feeling like if I go back to get my doctorate I’ll be wasting my creativity, which is something I really love.
It wasn’t until I said it out loud, to someone else that made me realize what I should be doing. “I should just be an art therapist. I mean, I’d get to work with kids which is something I love, and I’d still get to be creative. If I could channel a person’s energy into art, it would fulfill both my passions.”
Laaaaaa! And the heavens opened up above me!
All I need to do to become an art therapist is finish my masters program in counseling, which will make me an LPC, and then go back to school to get a bachelors in art. Which will be EASY because I already have an associates degree in liberal arts, and most of my electives in undergrad were either psychology or art related anyway. Boom goes the dynamite!
Yeah, I was going to be angry tonight but decided to be happy and grateful instead.
I’m really good at pretending I’m outgoing.
To my close friends and family I’m an extrovert, but the truth is I’m not. I’m a fairly quiet person. I have fun, like going on spontaneous adventures, am loud around people I’m comfortable with, and do things that are out of the ordinary sometimes, but I’m truly introverted. I like time with myself and my boyfriend. I like quiet. I feel awkward in many social situations. I’m afraid of failure. I don’t have a lot of friends and I’m actually okay with that. The only reason I take myself out of my comfort zone by going out by myself, modeling, randomly being an extra in a TV show, talking to strangers sometimes, forcing myself to join clubs, and getting drinks with acquaintances is because I know I have to get out of my comfort zone if I ever want to accomplish anything.
Sometimes I could be having the time of my life and not even crack a smile. Sometimes I’m so excited that I end up sitting there with a blank expression on my face. It doesn’t mean I’m mad or not having fun, I’m just… taking it all in. I’m the quiet observer in most situations, and I like it that way.
So please, don’t think I’m miserable just because I’m not smiling like an idiot. I’m smiling inside my head, and that’s good enough for me.
